The first week of 2013

Today marks the first week of 2013 and looking back, I had been sitting in front of my laptop day and night for the past week, without stepping out the house for even a step. Final year project made me stay home instead of joining this church camp which I had planned to go. 

I was super panicked few days ago due to all the stressful uni work. Boyfriend is being super nice this week. I know how stressful he is, but he chose to be there 24/7 in the screen just plainly because I need him to be around. I know it might not be helpful at all for him as he hardly able to study with someone around. But the joy is we get to pray pray and pray whenever we get tired and discouraged throughout the day. 

I woke up a while ago to know that its a long nap and realised he didnt wake me up. Who knows he was in bed himself wasnt feeling too well, feeling really demotivated and worried. To see him panicked, I realised I really dont know what to do. We prayed together. Actually I am so panicked myself, but at that moment I realised how important it is to stay strong and be there for him. 

Many times, we forgot to stay strong for the people around us because sometimes, all they need is someone who is hopeful and encouraging in their midst of despair. 

New year resolution? I want to be more joyful, more hopeful and less anxious. 

The JOY that transcends all understanding

I know, it's been too long since I updated my blog again. I can never be discipline!! but today, I must record this down!! :D It's toooo important to be put aside. 

If you know me, I am dating this young man, Esmond for almost a year now. And guess what, he is baptized today! Remember the story which I told earlier on when he wasn't a Christian five years ago? God finally answers prayers two days ago after five years. How great is our God? 

When he first became a Christian in 2008, he never get baptized as to him, it means a lot to him for his mom to agree on the baptism. He really loves his mom so much and I know this is really tough for him because after so many attempts of seeking approval, his mom still never said yes. We had been praying really hard, of course, we want his mom to agree on his decision, but what if she never did? It was always difficult for him and at some points, I couldnt understand as I am born in a Christian family and all I could do is pray, pray and pray, not knowing when and how. 

He told me that he was always worried when people asked if he is baptized or why is he not baptized. I guess he could not find an answer to that especially when one is his most loved mom and one is his beloved Father in heaven. But God, is GREAT. He answered his prayer two days ago in the most unexpected way, through a phone call, his mom agreed and believed that he had made the right choice. It's as if God had told her personally. It's so amazing and suddenly so easy. It came so quick and sudden I was dumbfounded when I received this news through whatsapp. I was screaming in joy as I was shopping in York with one of my besties, Phebe. This kind of joy, I could not describe. I told my best friends, my parents and they all rejoiced with me. 

Then the challenge came. The baptism is today! Two days after the news?! I am not prepared. I haven't got my baptism card and I haven't booked a ticket to Germany. How could I miss this? Oh no, no.. I had been waiting for this day for so long. I want to be there to witness it, to support him, to experience it. Ahhh.. But no, I couldn't because it happened so suddenly as a baptism session was arranged for him in the church camp today. He decided to be baptized today. Trust me, I was overwhelmed with emotions. So happy for him yet so sad that I can't be there. This kind of emotions was almost similar to the one I faced few years ago when I had to miss both my brothers' graduations. It was awful. i cried so hard, so hard. I felt so small and weak I cant see the joy any longer. I was selfish, so selfish that I want to be there so much even knowing that Esmond had waited enough and he really did not deserve to wait anymore for this day.

In the midst of these emotions, I cried out to God in gratitude and in pain. They are both my lovers. I know how glad God is right now to see his son being so anxious about getting baptized and tell the whole wide world that he is a Christian and he loves the Father. But I want to be there. The pain did not go away until awesome friends, Yun Kai and Ee Heng who updated me with his pictures of being baptized. Thank you so much! You don't know how much the efforts meant to me. At that very moment, I came to my knees and broke down in tears. The joy was overflowing in me. I was so touched by His grace and love. Nothing, absolutely nothing matters at this moment. All my emotions and absences and distance all became insignificant in that second. It was a really special moment, at least so special that I don't know how to describe it because I had never experienced such JOY to that extent, when I was struggling with the pain just a second ago. Reminded by His grace in his life over and over again that moment like watching a movie, I was crying in joy.

He is baptized! He is baptized! He is baptized!!!!!! God works in wonders. Today, through him, my love on earth, I experienced the most abundant joy from my love in heaven. This joy is complete, non comparable. Thank you Father, thank you aunty, thank you everyone who has been praying for us, and those who had been there in this spiritual journey and thanks for those who were there to support him today. Thanks Pat and Daniel for baptizing Esmond. We will always remember this day and press on till the end of the day. Keep praying for us as we continue walking on this journey of faith, side by side. 

Just two weeks ago, I responded to an altar call of full time ministry. It was a leap of faith, I called it. Because I don't know how it's going to be and when. But I know, I want to lose this life for Him. I heard Him. Pray for us,, to be equipped so God could use us mightily for His kingdom and that we could serve Him together. 

P.S: I am such an emotional being, poor him :P 

Totally touched!!!

Just when I finish typing the last post, my phone beeped. It's Ros, the landlady of the house which I would be staying in the next two months.

"Don't bring anything. We have all u need. What time will you arrive at the station? I will collect u."

That's love I received from a total stranger. I was touched, very touched.

A thankful heart.

I went to Alnwick last monday to see my store manager! I would be doing a summer placement in a town, called Alnwick, where the Alnwick Castle is. I bet lots of people know alnwick castle as it's one of the major shooting site for Harry Potter. Hehe.

that's the castle and the lion bridge. nice eh?

Well well, Grace joined me!! So, we took a train to alnmouth, the place where I will be going to stay during my two month placement in Alnwick. When we were in the train, we passed by a super beautiful scenery. And the next minute, we are in Alnmouth station already. So, I was so excited, and shocked, because the beautiful scenery I saw earlier is actually Alnmouth. I know I never google map it before I came. 

That's what I saw and was totally in awe.

A peaceful place. All I see were houses. And, birds were chirping and singing so happily as though they were rejoicing with me. Then off we took a bus to Alnwick, another old, lovely town. I was quite nervous to be honest when I first went in but it was all good. My store manager and the other colleagues are all quite friendly and I was glad that I could understand the English quite well. I was a bit worried to be honest. Haha. So it was just a short chat about the whole placement, and I was really excited for this whole thing. Woohoo. I cant wait for it to start. It sounds exciting!! A whole new experience, living with a new family, working with new colleague, with a mission to complete --> get myself a position in pre-reg with boots next year. 

Grace and I then visited Alnwick Castle from far. Lol. The entry ticket is really expensive, so we thought we would go there when we both start earning money. Haha. So we are both having faith that Grace is getting  a job in the next two months! :) Haha. But we did enjoyed ourselves in the tree house in Alnwick Gardens. We didnt visit the gardens as well though people always tell me how unique the poison garden is. One day, I will be there. :) 

The hanging bridge. hehe. We both thought we were back in Bukit Aup Park back in hometown. XD

It was really awesome, just spending time talking and catching up. And to look at people, you know who I mean here. Kids!!! There's this girl who played peek-a-boo with us, and she was so friendly when she said Hello and byebye. Adorable! It was good time, just sitting down and enjoyed our hot chocolate while taking some polaroid photos. =)

Then, we went back to the town for shopping! It so happened that Alnwick is full of those small shops with interesting things to look at. I always enjoy every bit of them and we spent lots of time looking at all these little things and got excited over them until we came to the charity shops, i.e. cancer research uk. That's when the whole shopping spree starts. There're so many good stuffs in the shop!! I got myself two formal blouse and one formal skirt for only £12!!! And they were all very new and nice. I was delighted!! 

It all ended with a nice dinner over at an Italian's, Grace belated birthday treat for me. hehe. Just before I was going to go back to Sunderland, my landlady texted me her home address! I was excited, so excited that I told Grace I wanna look at the house! We didnt get to greet them cos it was quite late and I don't want to surprise them. ahhaha. 

Tidal House

I know, it's huge and it's so beautiful right. I was so excited!!! and to walk out the street, there a bus stop for me to catch a bus to alnwick and the sea is right in front of the street. How cool is that? I cant wait, seriously! I am super excited now. Hehe. I really thank God for helping me to find them through my pastor, Dave. I was really worried before this to get myself an accomodation!

Tell me, how can I not give thanks when God has been so good to me all this while? It was a superb day, full of thanksgiving. I will learn, learn to give thanks all the time, not only on good days but EVERY SINGLE DAY!

The Distance.

The only thing that could make me feel unhappy (at least so far) in my relationship with Esmond is the distance. It is a great deal of lesson to learn. To learn to let go and to give each other space is one of the hardest lessons in relationship, especially when our term time and holiday time are different. We are put in situations where either one of us is stressed out or super free. This is the place where I have to be so rational and think for his sake as I get a bit dependant whenever I feel unwell. 

To put God first before him, even to find God first before going to him is such a lesson to learn. And, to be very honest, I am still learning!! I kinda fail today, I have to pray more about it.

So, today I was mostly in bed resting while watching movies. There came the times when I missed him quite a lot but I couldnt get hold of him and I tell myself that he's studying and that I need to learn to give space. I am still learning, there're times I'm just so tempted to wish to have him around more. I had to fight that fleshy desire, cos I felt a bit lousy not having him around while my rationality kicked in and told me to be understanding. It's such a mind battle. Haha. But, I am glad he always understands whenever I kind of fail in learning well in this aspect. =D

The desire of our flesh is always our main enemy. 

Grace of God

Grace, my childhood friend came to visit and spent time and to see how God touched her and comforted her, I was so touched myself and encouraged. That's how amazing His Love and Grace are, to bring peace that transcends all understanding. It is all good to have her over and so we could catch up, plainly spend time and just enjoy the fellowship! :) 

So I am back in Sunderland after another long journey of travelling, and trust me, Summer has bid her goodbye. Haha, it's really cold again and wet. I had to rest the past few days more after the long journey. But God was great to send me great friends to fetch me from the bus station that midnight and to bring me more clothes to put on to keep me warm. And I was just thankful that I managed to reach home safe and sound. And, of course, to learn to say goodbye to Esmond and still be joyful because we know we would continue to bless each other with our lives in Sunderland and Aalen, and I was encouraged when Esmond reminded me at the airport that God has plans for us in where we are and so we shouldnt be too upset that we are apart from each other. (Though I'm still learning! :D)

Also, it's holiday! So, I have the time of the world to build my relationship with the lover of my soul! I enjoy this time where I have so much time to be able to just talk to God and just simply enjoy His presence. It's really awesome because by looking at how the German students are preparing for exams, I know I should not take for granted that I actually have four months holidays, though I am going to have two months placement in Alnwick! :) I am quite excited about it though and I have reasons to shop for formal clothes! Yay! Haha

So, our pastor, Dave and his wife, Cathie had us over for dinner two nights ago and it was good just spending time with other malaysian students,just talking and sharing about lives, our holidays and just plainly everything. And of course, not to forget the good food!! :) 

Dave loves desserts!!! :) 

With Dave and Cathie!

Dave and Heidi! =) 

Grace and I

And just now, I started my first session of learning bible with my German friend, Lydia! I was excited and it was good. I am still feeling so excited about the whole idea about reading the bible with Lydia via Skype! :) God's creative, is he not? =)

To sum things up, God's grace has been overflowing. :) Despite the fact that my wisdom tooth is trying to be funny, I might need to see a dentist. Gasps. 

Use your Faith!!

So, that famous story of Jesus and his disciples where Jesus was really calm when the disciples panicked as they see the storm was our devotion today.

Before our devotion, we went out cycling. It was super good after not being able to cycle for sooooo long. I was delighted but like how it's in Malaysia, I am scared of the dogs. It's better here as dogs are normally tied to their owners. But as I cycled down this slope, I see a quite-big, black dog not far away which is not being tied to the owner, I stopped and tell Esmond that I am not going there. But it was the only road home, (at least that I know of) there were fields on both side. 

Esmond assured me that it's alright, he will cycle beside me so the dog will not attack me first even if it was going to do so. So, well, I trusted him and cycled slowly beside him, cautiously so I won't overtake him even a bit. Who knows, as we are getting nearer, the owner went forth and tied the dog. I was so relieved. 

While I was doing devotion on using ur faith, this story came up to me. I have faith in Esmond and so I was able to go forth to face this obstacle, the dog with the faith that even if he attacks me, Esmond will be there to avoid it from happening. But the best part was the obstacle which seems scary could be not as scary as you thought it is. But, if you were not able to use that faith to step out, you could never know that it's not that difficult and scary (in this case) after all. 

We can speak about our faith, hear sermons about it, sing songs about it, share about it and even read books about it. But only at this time of storm, u know that how much faith u have. 

The challenge is, use your faith and prove your faith if you are able to speak about it, if not what is the difference of you to those hypocrite who talks about love but never love?

A really nice german worship song :)

To sum it up, it was a good day! =D