Use your Faith!!

So, that famous story of Jesus and his disciples where Jesus was really calm when the disciples panicked as they see the storm was our devotion today.

Before our devotion, we went out cycling. It was super good after not being able to cycle for sooooo long. I was delighted but like how it's in Malaysia, I am scared of the dogs. It's better here as dogs are normally tied to their owners. But as I cycled down this slope, I see a quite-big, black dog not far away which is not being tied to the owner, I stopped and tell Esmond that I am not going there. But it was the only road home, (at least that I know of) there were fields on both side. 

Esmond assured me that it's alright, he will cycle beside me so the dog will not attack me first even if it was going to do so. So, well, I trusted him and cycled slowly beside him, cautiously so I won't overtake him even a bit. Who knows, as we are getting nearer, the owner went forth and tied the dog. I was so relieved. 

While I was doing devotion on using ur faith, this story came up to me. I have faith in Esmond and so I was able to go forth to face this obstacle, the dog with the faith that even if he attacks me, Esmond will be there to avoid it from happening. But the best part was the obstacle which seems scary could be not as scary as you thought it is. But, if you were not able to use that faith to step out, you could never know that it's not that difficult and scary (in this case) after all. 

We can speak about our faith, hear sermons about it, sing songs about it, share about it and even read books about it. But only at this time of storm, u know that how much faith u have. 

The challenge is, use your faith and prove your faith if you are able to speak about it, if not what is the difference of you to those hypocrite who talks about love but never love?

A really nice german worship song :)

To sum it up, it was a good day! =D

I AM ON FIRE AGAIN! PTL!

So I am back from The Hope Germany Festival!! It was a four days and three nights camp, so many testimonials, so many stories, so many lives touched, so many amazing things, so dear readers, I challenge u, this is going to be a super long entry. I want to write it all so that I don’t forget every bit of its goodness. & to remind myself what I have learnt from time to time as I look back.

So right after exam, I flew to Germany to meet Mr.man but the main purpose is to come to this camp!! It’s been so long since I long to be close to God to hear from Him again. And this camp has totally given me so much more than I could ever expect.

The theme was Why not? It was based on Exodus, where we Christians are illustrated as the Israelites, Pharoah the Satan/enemy and Egypt our personal bondage from freedom. And how after so many things that God has done to Israelites, it still could not convince them He is God. Are we the same? Staying in the wilderness for forty years, complaining and grumbling, not fulfilling His purpose to go into the Promise Land? Being bonded to our personal Egypt.

I learnt so much in this camp, I remember this sermon when they said that Christian life challenges us to sacrifice, to face enemies and even to have lifestyle changes. Are we ready to give up this space and time to spend time with God and even to reach out? Are we ready when people come and tell us that we are weird and trying to be “holy”? Are we ready when friends abandon us because they think we are too spiritual? Are you ready to give up and fast the things u like for the sake of God’s work?

And, EE was the workshop I went. He said, we reach out not because only the bible says so. But because WE LOVE. When I joined the workshop on discipleship, I was challenged again. She asked, if you were to teach a person to ride the bicycle, what’s the first thing you would do? We were talking about different ways, discussing about how we learnt to ride the bicycle. But, she said, no, that comes after because if u were to teach someone how to ride the bicycle, u need to be able to ride the bicycle yourself! I was like, Oh ya!!.. so if you were to make disciples, you need to know yourself about this salvation before you could even teach people. And this is phase 0, I was struck by it, I was asking myself, what am I waiting? Why am I not equipping myself yet?

There are so many testimonials that truly touched me in this festival, by looking at how God touched their lives. And the ones that touched me the most were how they are able to surrender their lives for God’s works. I was so encouraged. I cried. I repented before God. I remember how I was so on fire for my almighty God and where did this fire go all these years? I remember my vow with God to be a missionary, well a short term missionary was the promise though. (Haha) It was not a joke. Where did all these passion for people go? How did they die?

The last evening at the camp, I broke down before Him as I hugged Esmond and we were both praying earnestly. I was asking God, how could this be possible that Your love is so amazing. I was telling God that the scene of me n esmond praying earnestly together before Him was indeed ridiculous. I used the word ridiculous because I could never expect it to be happening. I never expect that God could touch us to this extent when I only ask Him to touch us, but His grace and love is more amazing than what we can expect. It can be so ridiculous because it cannot be comprehend, it is too amazing. When I shared about our stories and saw how souls are touched and encouraged by us, I could not praise Him more. Lord, finally, I sow in tears but I reap in joy.

You may not be gifted but you can be the most fitting person in His will, in the place where He put u in to fulfil His purposes. I always thought I cant play instruments, I cant sing, I cant really speak well not even to say to preach, I can’t see myself a talented person in any sense. But I know I love God, I want this intimate relationship with our God, I enjoy His presence and I want to serve Him for the rest of my lives but I don’t know how. When Esmond was trying to tell me the same thing, that he is not good enough, these words came out of my mouth, “Are u trying to say that u, the creation of God is not good enough? Are you an accident u mean?” He was touched, I was speechless because  know it’s from the holy spirit. So we came to realise that yes, we are all special and we can all play a part as the body of Christ to serve Him.

So, at the end of this camp. We all have different visions for God. I want to reach out for the students in my uni, especially the Malaysians. It’s my last year in Uni. And pastor came to me few months ago about doing something like a Malaysian night to tell the church members about us and so they can know more about us and at the same time, support us. So.. why not? I am going to do this and at the same time, reach out to the new students and of course, every Malaysian student at least that I could invite them to. I believe that God is going to make things amazing again!

Being motivated again in this camp, I have finally come to know that yes, I want to start from phase 0 for discipleship! I want to get equipped so that I can go forth and make disciples! I had always failed over the years to equip myself with biblical knowledge to learn more about His words as I am tooooo lazy but this time God is great!!! He sent me a german! She is going to be mentoring me and we are going to do bible study together. Tell me, why not? He works in amazing ways! I never imagine that I would end up in Hope Germany Festival and starting to read the bible with a German friend! GOD IS GOOD!

Also, the fellowship was awesome!! I met a lot of new people in this camp, being able to have a couple really meaningful and impacting conversations. I like the fact where there are a lot of slots where we can just chill and chat and talk about our faith our lives. I learn so much from all these conversations and people that God has brought into my life.

To see how the most unexpected person being touched and people getting baptised. I cant comprehend and I found myself speechless again and again as I look upon His grace and blessings for the people who are willing to open their hearts to Him. So many stories told, so much tears shed. The tears of repentance, tears of joy, tears of being touched. I could feel the holy spirit working among people. Tell me that how could it be if this God is unreal.

So, why not? It’s time to change!

To look forward

The one thing that keeps me going now is that meeting up with mr. man right after exams. What else can be more motivating than that?

And the church camp in Germany. Wohoo.. after 3 years not going to an actual camp!! how glad cud I be??

And lots of good times that comes AFTER EXAM!!! *grins* I cant stop imagining!!! awwww... haha.


Im sooooooo excited but u cant imagine the amount of notes im reading in a day! It shall pass. soon. real soon. hehe. Press on!!!!

Of all sorts.

It was Mother's day last weekend! I was happy to see how mom is excited with the flowers we got her :) It's really glad how the technology is so advanced today that though I am in the UK I could make sure that the flowers reach her on time. Happy Mother's Day! it was good to ring the mothers and grandma that meant a lot to me on this day =)

So, I had my third paper yesterday! 75% done! Woohoo. 

Swollen eye lids, tear stained eyes with muscle cramps in the stomach. It sucked me dry. I was defeated the night before this paper. The battle was tough. Wrestled and struggled and still defeated in the end. There I was feeling all helpless in pain. I gave up. I gave in to the situation. It was overwhelming. Good few hours of tortures. Until finally His words comforted me and the spirit of peace finally won the battle in the midst of my wounds. I got up victorious. But I was exhausted from the whole battle. I slept like a baby afterwards. 

The mind is the battlefield of mine. 

The Lord is my refuge. To be in Him I know I am safe from lies from Satan, 

It's been 4 months since Esmond and I started this courtship today. Everyday has been a joy to be able to learn to be in this together. It has not been easy some of the times. With all sorts of challenges. But I thank God for this man, for he is so patient and kind with words although he is never too generous with his time and space. haha, But he's still a good man afterall.

A random post of all sorts really. 

To smile.

Exam's more than merely reading everything u cud for the coming paper. It's about surviving, and pulling myself through. When pain is exaggerating enough to put me bedridden, I know I am able in Him. 

Pain, the easiest way Satan gets hold of me. And it's a reason to smile when I defeat him, each and every time. 

To hear from Him.

God, these pain are real and they never leave me. But I know you are real and u never leave me too. 

I pray aloud normally when I spend time with Him and when this came out, I was touched myself. I know the holy spirit is working and God is telling me that, He is real and ever faithful. 

The pain reminds me everyday of His grace. I can't help but praise Him. 

I smiled and leap in joy =D

Out of a sudden, he came and tell me, thanks for being an understanding girl most of the time, it saves me a lot of time to quarrel. LOL! the main thing is I save his time eh? = =haha.. oh wells, it was sweet after all XD. 

Haha, and before that he came and tell me, u look good today. And I was like, um.. why so suddenly? Then he  teasingly went, nah.. it's Thursday, to practise complimenting. [refer to last post about what he's doing] = =

I know, that's him.. so not-romantically romantic. Haha. But the most amazing thing was, 2 mins before that 1st msg came through, I just told my housemate I am going to sleep when it's only 9:30pm cos I am having a really really bad headache. And when that message came, the pain miraculously went away instantly. I write this post because I know he never reads my blog so I am free to talk about him. XD but, the most ultimate purpose is that, God heals in His own ways. The pain was real and exaggerating and just before I could help myself with my painkillers, the most unexpected healing fell upon. 

He works in amazing ways. and.. I will continue to praise His name! =)

Regret?

Mr.man: U always said u wanted ur husband to be someone who loves God more than u. Have u ever regretted ur decision to start this courtship with me?

Me: Nope, because I know His will and thoughts are higher than mine.

Esmond is a believer for about 3 years now I think. I am glad to see him going to cell group every Wednesday and even leading cell group once or twice now. Seeing him setting sundays for church make me see how Holy Spirit works. And the whole surprising bit is that, none of his friends are going. So, I told him I am shocked and he said he is shocked as well. And the fact that he prays before every single meal touches me.  

Coming back from cell group last night, he was happily telling me what they were doing last night. Being given a timetable from the cell group leader, they are doing something together to bless people around for the coming weeks. For example setting mondays away to help people, no media attachments on saturdays and others. He was all excited with the whole idea, like a kid. I like how he always show me that faith like a kid.

He does tell me that there's a lack of intimacy between him and God. But, to see his willingness to grow closer encourages me a lot to do it together. It may not be as easy as it is, being all weak and sinful. Although I don't know how Holy Spirit is going to work among us to bring us nearer to God each and everyday but I am always convinced that if I were to seek His kingdom first, everything shall come afterwards. 

So, nope, I never regretted my decision. Although there's still a long journey to go for marriage, I know we would become the couple who loves God more than anyone by faith and grace. I am sure God would help us bless each other with our lives, of different backgrounds, lifestyles and mind sets. 

The fight goes on!

I had my second paper, chemistry, the paper I dislike the most really. To be honest, everyone thought the paper was really difficult and it was not very well done too. Well, I did my best and as the old saying goes, leave the rest to God. And, The fight shall go on!! Two more papers. I slept for good ten hours last night, you could imagine how tired I was from the exam yesterday. XD 

But the best thing about yesterday was this movie, the lady I watched last night with my housemates, Joyce and Davin. It was a really awesome piece of work starring Michelle Yeoh. Michelle Yeoh is one of the Malaysian actresses that is so well known that I knew her since I was a kid. And she even made it to Hollywood! And I would say this is a must-watch! It was definitely a true story based on this lady, Aung San Suu Khhi from Myanmar. And I shall not spoil the movie by telling you what happened. So, watch it! It's worth it. The courage and love in this movie is definitely touching. I am sure you would agree. 

Something remarkable, when mr.man looks at me and tell me, "喜欢你" [translation: Liking u] the other night. He definitely melted my heart and kept me going with the fight. I truly thank God for him. He is so good with words of affirmations, though only at unexpected times but not on expected time, XD but that's the special bit about  him. I know God is ever faithful and providing by looking at him. His smile never fail to cheer me up. :D 

Delighted

I received this today =) It's soo nice. I bid it from ebay for £1. hehe. There's a signature of the photographer on the corner and I actually got a note from him/her at the back of the photograph! Sweet. And guess wad, behind those cool cameras, there's actually a buzz lightyear lying on the top shelf. Aw.

Be comforted

A best friend of mine thinks he failed his paper. And I know no matter how much I have to say to comfort and convince that God's in control, it could not beat the comfort power of Holy Spirit. 

Thanks to the fact that Holy Spirit lives within us. I have faith that he willl be comforted because He never forgot to seek. 

This is a song I have been listening to a lot these few days. I thought it's comforting.

Looking at Mr Man in skype, I wish I could shout at the top of my lungs that I REALLY MISS YOU!!! It ain't sweet without you around. Life is so much easier with you around.

One paper done =D

One paper is done, Im more than grateful. Dear me, the questions were unexpectedly unusual where the important topics are not out on the paper. But, I think I had tried my best and I think it was quite a well prepared paper as compared to the past years. I am just plainly grateful that it was not raining this morning so it was a good walk to uni. (It rains almost everyday lately) I am also grateful that my pain signals were quite retarded during exam. Haha. Bless them. 

And guess what, I literally fainted this afternoon. Haha. 3 hours of deep sleep was plainly awesome. Words cannot describe how great it is to be able to sleep so well once in a blue moon. It worths everything. 

After that I took a late evening stroll down the river with my new toy, mr. polaroid from mr. man. hehe. I just wanted to take some time off revision and spend some quiet time with God, plainly giving thanks for things and sorting some emotions out. And oh ya, I brought some strawberries I got for 50 pence per box today!! No expectations but they were soooooooo sweet!! I actually took a photo of them, but i dono what happened, im not familiar with mr. polaroid. It didnt turn out well. Totally gutted. :( 

Out dating with Him beloved, the ever faithful lover :)

To end the day, this lecturer amused me in exam hall. *After papers are passed up, and only the questions paper are yet to be collected on some tables*...

Mr. Lecturer: *in shouting mode* No talking!!!!! because it's in the regulations that talking in exams is cheating.......*after a short pause* eventhough there is nothing in front of you!! ==

Hehe, going to bed early and more revisions for 2nd paper starting tomorrow.