Unsettled

It's that season of life again, exams. I am never an exam person. I get all sorts of reactions, you name it, I have it. haha. So yea, I really dislike Chemistry and I love other subjects. I enjoy studying other subjects but not Chemistry. It just makes me wonder why did I even chose pharmacy at the first place. Well well.... 

Life achievements, are not meant to be hold on unto. Because all these shall pass, one day. So failures are not meant to bring you down as well. Because they shall pass as well, one day. So, what's such a big deal to fail an exam? It's nothing. I grew up believing that there should be no failure in life, until my brother and Esmond told me that it's fine to fail. Tell me why not? Tell me why cant one fail? 

Why am I even unsettled over such a small earthly thing? Is my God too small that I need to worry about all these things in life? It's just part of life, to be enjoyed. Good and bad times are there for a reason. 

And, His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.

This song moved me. I am more than flesh and bones, and I am beautiful. I want to believe that I am someone worth dying for. :)

This, too shall pass

Devotion today reminds me again that whatever it is, it shall pass, one day, because everything now is just temporary. The goal is that eternal joy and we shall press on. No matter how bad you feel today, dont worry, they shall pass. You know it, so believe it. The pain also, shall pass. :)

Multiple posts in one.

Too many good things happened in these few weeks and it would be a shame if I dont record them down.


The best weekend of life

Haha, yes. It was the best. A friday outing with the closed ones in Durham, plainly enjoying the sun, and it ended with an early birthday surprise!!! everyone took a bus down to durham just to surprise me at the restaurant during dinner time. I was so touched, so pampered, feeling so blessed. and not to forget, the prezzies I got made me smile like a kid!!! That Saturday was my last day at work, of course, it had been a long waited day. But, guess what, I was reluctant, telling the few methadone patients that I am leaving, having them say goodbye and wish me luck was again a whole new experience. These people might be the people the society dislikes, but I am sure if you love them like any person in life, they love you back. Michelle, my supervisor came in with a bunch of flowers, a card and a photo frame with everyone in the picture. She had been the best supervisor really, I am more than blessed to have her, always so kind to swap my shifts whenever I cant make them. And, what else, two of my colleagues appeared with a cake and pizza hut deliveries!!! It came so unexpectedly, so touched and really feeling so blessed to have met these awesome people in life.And Sunday, Candy and I had a really good session of sharing about lives, issues, blessings in that 3 hours long bus ride to Manchester. Those times were always cherished. And to end this weekend up, my man was standing there welcoming with a hug at the arrival hall in Memmingen. To meet up finally was such a new experience, I could only be thankful for such a thing to happen. 

The surprise party, 30th March 2012

The card and prezie from Michelle and the flowers at the back :)

Safina baked me that gorgeous cake, and thats me in uniform for the last time !

Travelling

The journey started with a missed train! Haha. New train and bus tickets had to be bought again. (Not that cheap really XD) Though it was not the best thing to happen and it was definitely a lesson learnt. And, I am just thankful of the attitude we both had when it happened. We knew we both contributed to being late and there was no point blaming and guess what, it did not affect us that much as we would expected. PTL! It was a rainy 3 days 2 nite trip in Prague!! But fret not, we did enjoy the rain, the total different experience. We enjoyed the cheap food, the unending laughs (My man is super lame, I am sure you agree if you ever get to know him), beautiful buildings, a special bread and the best was just plainly spending time together. And, the journey followed by meeting up with another few friends of mine in Munich. Another 2 days of fun and laugh. And what not, SNOW in SPRING! imagine having snow on blooming flowers. How beautiful could that be. More laughs, fellowships and of course beer sessions in Germany! Haha. Travelling with people you love is always the best thing. The most magnificent view was the one at Neuschwanstein castle I would say. God had been great, everyone was fit and well despite the bad weather and we all really had fun! It was the most relaxing trip ever because I could be all dependant on Mr man with everything, I only need to "carry" myself. Haha. Nothing more. How thankful. To travel during easter was not usual because normally I would be in the church on easter to celebrate His resurrection. But I have learnt that we can celebrate it wherever and whenever we are because we know that He truly lives that today we can be so free and joyful.

On our way back from Prague. :D

On the mountains, Germany

My 22nd Birthday

It all started with a dinner treat at a mexican restaurant from Mr man the night before. To be honest, least expectation I had out of him because he is not that kind of a romantic person but I was wrong!..That midnight, I fell asleep before 12. Waking up to a room full of peach scented candles and romantic songs wad surprising! And he actually decorated me a cakey! I was smiling in his embrace because I know he made that all happened just because of me, a person who never fail to be touched at surprises. He could never understand, but he did it anwyays. haha. And the next day was even more cool! He had a quest for me when he was out to town! making me running around looking for my prezzies! This is so not him! Of course, I am more than happy to find myself a birthday card from dad n mom and a polaroid camera from him, but you know what it was the efforts he made that made me smile. The efforts that I appreciate. And I got a postcard sent from a bloved friend all the way to Germany!!! Was ultra super happy! It was all great, with all the wishes and messages from all over the world :D Thanks for everything all you people who makes my life all that wonderful" And I know the ultimate one I have to thank is my Father Lord in heaven. 

The quest started with the note this miniature Mr man held. 

The rest of my time spent in Aalen, where Mr man lives was awesome. It was just a small quiet town. Meeting up with his friends, his church community and plainly understanding his daily routines were generally a wonderful experience. Having to cook for him and waiting him come back from class while I do my revisions for the coming exam were all simply a joy. The stroll in the evening, the time spent cooking together, praying together, watching movies and getting to know each other more were all much cherished. We grow to know each other more and more throughout the time spent together, good and bad things of course. Love is not blind, trust me, but it helps you accept each other for who we are. Being pampered of course was still the best thing ever. God, has been too good, too good blessing me with such a good mature man. I could only pray that He allows the journey to continue till we are united finally one day in the church. And my pain intensity decreases so much, believe it or not, with him aside :). PTL!

To sum it all up, too many blessings make me wonder how could one be not appreciative with God's grace. 

Happiness

Ah, My first ever spa experience today with my sis in law. Fellowship was awesome. The massage was superb. I feel so pampered. Haha. Plain happiness!! :D I was in sauna and I actually realised myself feeling almost painless! Good news eh?.. at least, I can enjoy that short 15 mins of pain free period. PTL!

and, yes, one more week to a jobless life!! one more week to seeing Esmond! One more week to easter holidaay!!!!! I can't help but smiling!

and yes, one more week to............... tonneeeessss of revision XD gasps. NVM!!!!! fret not! there are too many things to be thankful about! :D

Be still

Many times.. it's not easy to stay still and enjoy the space we have got. It's friday, for so long that i have never anticipated weekend as much as a student as saturday means 7 hours of work till 11pm, not sweet at all.

It's friday today, but here I am listening to Yiruma's work.. I feel so much peace, plainly giving thanks for the past busy week and another busy one ahead because I know, after that it would be more great ones to come because it's easter holiday! :D

Space is an amazing thing. Without your own space, you feel strained. Too much of it, you got lonely. The right amount of space is perfect. :D you get couples shouting at each other saying, you make me suffocated or kids shouting at their parents to leave them alone. The connection between beings could be so beautiful with the right amount of space, and yet so unpleasant if too much space is invaded. Have you ever wonder, but why is it that, the more space you give God, the more you let God invade your life, the more peace and joy you will be filled with. Isn't this special? But why, we, Christians, still always do not bother to spend this time with the only One who could satisfy the soul yet trying so hard to ask why extended solitude tortures and why stolen space strains.

I can't help but feel blessed for this special One I could spend my space with, no matter how much, no matter how long, no matter when, no matter how. It's always beautiful. Thank you Lord for such a friend, lover, soul mate you are. I could only grow to love you more each day.

Esmond and I are learning to give each other the right amount of space, believe me, it's such a beautiful yet challenging thing to learn =)

It's been LONG

I know, I just could never be consistent. Haha, one of my besties, Joyce has come to me and complained about my laziness. Haha. So here I am. Updates!!


So, it's been about more than a year now that I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia. FMS (fibromyalgia (fi-bro-my-Al-juh) syndrome) is a widespread musculoskeletal pain and fatigue disorder for which the cause is still unknown. Fibromyalgia means pain in the fibrous tissues in the body. [http://ukfibromyalgia.com/what-is-fm.html] Trust me, it is not pleasant at all. I got up in the morning, feeling not rested at all and do you remember the feeling you have first thing you wake up the day after you hiked or been to the gym. Thats how I feel almost everyday, sometimes worse sometimes better. There are good and bad days (PHEW!).. and ya, pain, ache, stiffness all over.. different parts of the body on different days.. I start to get pain in the eyes, head and even more sensitive to cold, heat, light and sound. And, good sleep? It happens once in a blue moon. Fatigue is my best friend but I am glad that the one symptom that I havent got and will not ever got it by faith n His grace is depression!! 


When I just knew about it, it was a stressful period of time for acceptance, knowing that there is no cure and that I need to take medication everyday to manage the symptoms and of course, it's time to slow things down and I have to know that it is so going to affect my quality of life. But, God has been really faithful, He sent wonderful people into my lives to pull me through this period and the most important thing was He sent holy spirit to comfort. There are times when the pain could be so intense that all I could do is cry, yes, I am helpless and it's because of this helplessness that I know how Big my God is and how weak I could be that He could make me strong.


I learnt to see life differently, there is so much to learn being weak as I had always grown up being the strong and big one among my friends, never was I weak. Haha. I have to learn to say no to things I cannot do. I have to learn to tell people I dont feel okay. I have to learn to trust and believe that I will be fine. I learn to give thanks to little things, from a good 15 mins nap to a merely an hour sunshine. When I got bedridden, I learnt to stay quiet and speak to God. There are just so many things to learn. Pain has made me stronger. 


I had been working in this pharmacy for the last 2 years, and in more than a week time I am going to quit this job. I might be reluctant or sad to leave, or I might be blaming God for this weird sickness I got, but instead I am grateful that I have finally learnt how to let go in this one year. Letting go has never been easy for me. Thanks to him, this special person that I have not introduced. He taught me how to let go and I dont have to prove myself strong by being bonded to something making me feel worse day by day. 


He is a man whom God brought into my lives about 5 years ago. We were in high school back then. He was in the class next to mine. It was great, we were attracted to each other after some time. We were different. He's always discipline and I was always living a disorganised life how he would put it. Everything seems perfect when our friends and families are happy about us going out, but he was not a Christian. It was a painful decision to make.


Years had passed. We both went to different colleges and had different friends.And now even, He is in Germany and I am in the UK. At some points of our lives, we thought no one could replace this position in our hearts but at other points of our lives, it's as if we had forgotten about each other. But, we stayed single all these years until now that we are finally back together, this time as two Christians who love God and earnestly seek Him, putting Him as the head of our relationship. 


The first time we spent time after so many years, I was touched to see him saying grace before our meal when we met. Trust me, it was the most beautiful moment to see the person you love coming before God. It was the first time we met in the UK last summer and the first time I witnessed this beautiful sight after he became a Christian in college. I believe that God has finally make things beautiful in His time. 


So much to learn, so many challenges ahead of us now that we are known as a couple. He is always so rational and caring in his own ways. He is always generous with words of affirmation and always ready to learn more about me. He is always telling me that things gonna be okay because God is in charge. He has become this godly man I had been longing for. Of course, he would not be perfect, but I am sure as God put us together, we will see each other as the most beautiful being God has ever created. And, only I realise that it's not all about romance and gifts. It's about learning, accepting and most importantly, blessing and encouraging each other thru our lives despite the distance between us. We might not agree on everything but it's then this effort to sort things out make it all beautiful. Thanks for making me feel like a woman. It's good to have you, Esmond. =) 

Im sad

Im feeling so bad that I really want to know why that it's happening. God, why all these afflictions? Can you appear now Lord and spare me a shoulder to cry on?