I know, I just could never be consistent. Haha, one of my besties, Joyce has come to me and complained about my laziness. Haha. So here I am. Updates!!
So, it's been about more than a year now that I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia. FMS (fibromyalgia (fi-bro-my-Al-juh) syndrome) is a widespread musculoskeletal pain and fatigue disorder for which the cause is still unknown. Fibromyalgia means pain in the fibrous tissues in the body. [http://ukfibromyalgia.com/what-is-fm.html] Trust me, it is not pleasant at all. I got up in the morning, feeling not rested at all and do you remember the feeling you have first thing you wake up the day after you hiked or been to the gym. Thats how I feel almost everyday, sometimes worse sometimes better. There are good and bad days (PHEW!).. and ya, pain, ache, stiffness all over.. different parts of the body on different days.. I start to get pain in the eyes, head and even more sensitive to cold, heat, light and sound. And, good sleep? It happens once in a blue moon. Fatigue is my best friend but I am glad that the one symptom that I havent got and will not ever got it by faith n His grace is depression!!
When I just knew about it, it was a stressful period of time for acceptance, knowing that there is no cure and that I need to take medication everyday to manage the symptoms and of course, it's time to slow things down and I have to know that it is so going to affect my quality of life. But, God has been really faithful, He sent wonderful people into my lives to pull me through this period and the most important thing was He sent holy spirit to comfort. There are times when the pain could be so intense that all I could do is cry, yes, I am helpless and it's because of this helplessness that I know how Big my God is and how weak I could be that He could make me strong.
I learnt to see life differently, there is so much to learn being weak as I had always grown up being the strong and big one among my friends, never was I weak. Haha. I have to learn to say no to things I cannot do. I have to learn to tell people I dont feel okay. I have to learn to trust and believe that I will be fine. I learn to give thanks to little things, from a good 15 mins nap to a merely an hour sunshine. When I got bedridden, I learnt to stay quiet and speak to God. There are just so many things to learn. Pain has made me stronger.
I had been working in this pharmacy for the last 2 years, and in more than a week time I am going to quit this job. I might be reluctant or sad to leave, or I might be blaming God for this weird sickness I got, but instead I am grateful that I have finally learnt how to let go in this one year. Letting go has never been easy for me. Thanks to him, this special person that I have not introduced. He taught me how to let go and I dont have to prove myself strong by being bonded to something making me feel worse day by day.
He is a man whom God brought into my lives about 5 years ago. We were in high school back then. He was in the class next to mine. It was great, we were attracted to each other after some time. We were different. He's always discipline and I was always living a disorganised life how he would put it. Everything seems perfect when our friends and families are happy about us going out, but he was not a Christian. It was a painful decision to make.
Years had passed. We both went to different colleges and had different friends.And now even, He is in Germany and I am in the UK. At some points of our lives, we thought no one could replace this position in our hearts but at other points of our lives, it's as if we had forgotten about each other. But, we stayed single all these years until now that we are finally back together, this time as two Christians who love God and earnestly seek Him, putting Him as the head of our relationship.
The first time we spent time after so many years, I was touched to see him saying grace before our meal when we met. Trust me, it was the most beautiful moment to see the person you love coming before God. It was the first time we met in the UK last summer and the first time I witnessed this beautiful sight after he became a Christian in college. I believe that God has finally make things beautiful in His time.
So much to learn, so many challenges ahead of us now that we are known as a couple. He is always so rational and caring in his own ways. He is always generous with words of affirmation and always ready to learn more about me. He is always telling me that things gonna be okay because God is in charge. He has become this godly man I had been longing for. Of course, he would not be perfect, but I am sure as God put us together, we will see each other as the most beautiful being God has ever created. And, only I realise that it's not all about romance and gifts. It's about learning, accepting and most importantly, blessing and encouraging each other thru our lives despite the distance between us. We might not agree on everything but it's then this effort to sort things out make it all beautiful. Thanks for making me feel like a woman. It's good to have you, Esmond. =)
