Im sad

Im feeling so bad that I really want to know why that it's happening. God, why all these afflictions? Can you appear now Lord and spare me a shoulder to cry on?

Long Distance Relationship

I was once frightened by the thought of long distance relationship, looking at how my eldest brother had to go through more sacrifices for his long distance relationship which lasted more than 5 years! But today, they are married, living happily ever after! And my second brother is happily here in Darlington with his girlfriend, wait, they are engaging sooon now! They are mentioned cos they went through the years of separation too, with one in Singapore and one here in the UK. But, Praise God they are happily together too now, just moved into their nice new house, a home really I would say! =D And, my housemate and her boyfriend are together for ten years now, and you wouldnt believe it, they were seperated for 8 years i think!

Why, that I am suddenly reminded about this?

One of my besties, Grace is finally here with Kevin! Though they are one hour away from each other now, but hey!!! It's so much better than 7 hours time difference and the miless they were apart from each other before this. I am just touched seeing them finally together after waiting faithfully for the right timing and for each other :). And of course, I am happy too!! We can have tonnes of sleepovers now Grace! =) It's all worth the waiting.

So, dont tell me now that long distance relationship doesn't work. I am no longer convinced. :) Nothing is too much a problem if it's God's will really. These are the wise words I got from my sister in law!

A summer to remember

Ah, it's been so long again since I last blogged. It's because my lappie broke, so tonight, (since I cant sleep) I grab my housemate's lappie and decided to blog about this really meaningful summer!

It started with Paris trip with coursemates which I had talked about earlier on. Then, it was HOME! It was great how I finally met up with the girls and old classmates and matrix mates =). It's been two years. I was welcomed with all the "OH MY, YOU HAVE GROWN FAT!" haha. I know I know. It was bad at frst but soon I got used with the expressions and responses really. Haha. I had sleepover sessions with the girls and it was awesome, catching up with lives and everything happened in the last two years. We could just stayed up talking and talking till sun rise. Haha. Girls are chatterboxes! We spent time skype dating the others who are in the different corners of the world. I really missed all the times we used to spend really and it was awesome this time that we get to catch up and just spend time! I am so happy that Grace is joining me this September! I met up with old classmates too!! We could spend the whole night talking and talking about our uni lives. HAha. And, those in India are the less fortunate ones. So, we would be listening to all the complaints really about their lives there. And, I felt so grateful about being here now! Of course, we couldnt help gossiping really.. haha, which is bad! Haha. Meeting up old friends was great, different gangs different feelings but they were all awesome. I would say almost each of us had grown to be mature. Everyone seems to have different views about lives now, compared to high school days. And, a lot of them are no longer single! haha. (that's the gossip part really!) Of course, the time spent with the family is so much treasured! Especially finally meeting up with my eldest bro and my sis in law! I really missed those moments we spent crapping, laughing and just being a family! I really do miss them and I wish they are here with us! Dad and mom had been pampering me soooo much like a princess this trip home. Haha, and also my nanny! I seriously miss it! And, I had a lot of rabbits!! ahhh!.. cruel eh? it's known to be tonic though. Haha.

Besides meeting up and catching up, this trip home was all about doctor appointments. Well, I had never mentioned really how my body had grown pretty weak over these years. I was admitted hospital and all. So, finally, I am diagnosed to have a condition called fibromyalgia after seeing a few specialists here in UK and back home. It's basically a condition with pain all over the body, with no specific causes and cure. But, thank God that I had found a really suitable medicine which manages the condition well. it's not life threatening, just affective in one way or another but I believe, by His grace, I will be all well :). I have another condition called plantar fasciitis, where I feel pain around the arch of my feet. I had got injections for the heels and so, they are much relieved too. And, I had few sessions with the "chinese doctor" too. It really helped a lot as according to the doctor, I have dislocated joints (which might have caused more pain). So all in all, I am all right now and I am all grateful! And, really thanks my parents for spending a lot on my health issues this trip!

I had to come back earlier to Sunderland as I need to do my shifts. So, luckily, Esmond came to visit me for three weeks. It was awesome three weeks. Trust me, we went hiking, picnic, canoeing, strolling around the north east. It was just plainly catching up and spending time together. It had been so long since I last met him and I really do miss him! He's still as nice as ever and he has really grown a lot, into a mature man now! But, the lame bit is never changed. Haha. We spent time doing simple things yet meaningful! We spent time praying together too and I am really touched seeing him a christian now! :) I am more than thankful for what a friend he is. I really find him a great company over the 3 weeks as we travelled together, taking it slow and enjoying His creation in the most peaceful pace. (I bet it was all good cos he carried everything for me! =P) I really thank God for the chance of the fellowship together.  Ah, I miss you and thanks! I shed tears when he left, tears of reluctance :(. We shall meet again, in Germany!

Ah, so only two weeks left now till school starts. I better cherish the time left! =) That's a long messy entry =X

Romance

Never did I posted something about romance up here. 

I know I should be blogging about home, but wait, this is so true that I shall write it down before I forget.

I'm home and I am excited of course (I shall write about it)! 

I had kampua! Kompiah! and what.. bak zhang! and my green leaves! and the spongy cheese cake.. kebab! I know. it's only the second day.

Heys, back to the topic.

I had to see my family doctor for some body conditions i am having and guess what,

he said something almost every doctor said!!

"Get a boyfriend you should!!"

HAHA! 

And I was there in my dining room talking to my nanny who had seen me grow throughout the years.

Then she asked.

And, I realised I look for someone who is dad-alike!

So passive in some ways. No temper yet firm. Always being caring in a special way. Always do things behind the scene. Quiet in a sense that he is a perfect listener. Managing money so well yet always so generous with people. Always tender and loving. No pressure. Never demanding and ever so considerate. So flexible in a way that you are not worried when things go wrong. Always telling me that it's ok, that everything is going to be fine. Just being there beside quietly, telling you that pray to God and trust Him. He is never good with words, luvy duvy words he never tell me but he is always good with actions. Though lots of times, you need to tell him what to do but he never fail to do what you need him to help do. He is the man!

Is this a belated father's day entry? haha. I got him a card and a shirt. And he is so sweet by asking me, how could you get such a lovely card? :) This is how my dad is like, He conveys his gratitude in a different way which I always forget to look at. He is special in his own ways.

Am I going to get married with someone like him? I am sure my ideal husband is going to be like him! Now I understand why and what I am looking for. =) Thanks to my nanny for telling me. She even said, when I was a little kid, I told her I want to marry someone like daddy! HAah.

Home sweet home. I think the table is ready for lunch! =)Just some songs to share. 

Bonjour!

BOO! It's beeen a while now since I last posted something up here since my last paper!! hahaha. I was allll packed with shifts and trips since exam ended!!..

Went to York and Darlington with 5 of the peeps and just got back from a 7 days trip from PARIS! YES! it's paris! it's my second time there.. and still, I LOVE PARIS!...and Disneyland! It was cool 7 days with lots of answered prayers and of course, lots and lots of new experiences! I am super tired now!!! There were 9 of us.. but thank God everything went well despite the rain and how it had been so wet for the last couple of days. To look at the bright side, it isn't as warm!

Spent two days in Disneyland! And it's SUPER COOL! It was fun and haha, I ended up going up to a few crazy rides with the peeeps. 360 degree turn!! It was crazy! And.. disneyland is sooo cool especially the studio park.. we had lots of cool experience and not to forget the super-imaginative and fantasy-ish effect it brought. Haha. I loveeee it but... IT'S SOOOO EXPENSIVE! Everything was expensive!..haha. But FUN!=) it's like I was once again a kid in a wonderland! But no, I dint get to take picture with Mickey :( haha. There's toooo much to mention if I were to list down every single bit of disneyland! experience it one day! =)

Foood. I tried raw beef! It was yummy! Had raw fish and oyster too!!! and of course, we had snails too! Pasties are never missed for a Paris trip! and also...Macaroons of course! but you know how expensive they are. I think they are nice but not my favourite. You can try but to be honest, don;t spend too much on it. Not worth it.And guess what, we had lots and lots of liver pate (goose, chicken, duck) in this market where they gave you free ones to try, Haha! I love PATE!! ICE CREAM too of course! Ah, i just realised we did have lots to eat. Sorbet was awesome! All in all, I appreciate French cuisine but... again, EXPENSIVE! haha. We had chinese food after we landed this morning in Newcastle and everything suddenly seems soooo much cheaper! Haha!

Eiffel! Yes, i love Eiffel tower! this time, I get to go to the very top! She's still as beautiful as the last time I went there with Phebe and Lana. Oh wait, It's a he cos' I said he's my husband. HAHA. Well, it's something that melts your heart when you see it blinks!.. I still love it so much. We got to see her from all different angles this time and I really appreciate every bit of it. Guess what, we spent the night on the tower looking at the sun set and the city in the sparkles of lights..the nightview was awesome.

We climbed up to the very top of Norta Dame as well! The Arc of Triumph was conquered too! Went to Orsay' Musuem and the Lourve! Spent an evening in the Lourve and met Mona Lisa! :) It's a must see! Though it's so much smaller than I expected. And the Napoleon apartment definitely impressed me. We came out of the Lourve, being welcomed by the sun set and pink-ish red sky! SUPER beautiful it was. Everything was in such a good timing! The Basilica on the top of Montmarte was magnificent too! Ah, I could only say, Paris is beautiful!

We also managed to visit the Versailles Palace. Oh my, it's so majestic! HUGE AND GOLDEN! and the gardens! is.... sooooooo huge and beautiful!!!! And, we saw a chinese couple taking wedding photos. Ah, how romantic that is! You must visit this place if you have the chance. It's so beautiful!..!

God had been really good to us for the last 7 days. Everyone was fit and healthy. He provided what we need. He solved problems we faced. The fellowship was great! Though the weather was not very good but we were still thankful that the bad weather never lasted too long to kill our enthusiasm. I am thankful for everything despite the fact that I am in this most romantic city without a life partner for the second time now. HAHA. 

I was praying hard on top of the eiffel towel though that I am there again with him :P

I shall rest for now. =) 

49 days!

It's been so long since I last watched a korean drama.

But hey,

check this out.

Recommended by my brother.

I like how the story itself is so unpredictable in some ways. (aint so typical i wud say)

And.

It's composed of friendship, family love and the love between a man & a woman =)

Watch if you have the chance!

Those times.

I missed those times we cycled.

Looking at the sun set.

was beautiful =)

One last paper left!! & Happy Birthday Kai Ling!

It's beeeeeeen torturing! but thank God that there's only one more left.

Exam today was sooooo energy consuming!

But yays, 

it's over!!!! =)
Thank God! 

ONE MORE! just ONE MORE!

Then it's going to be SUMMER HOLIDAY!

London, paris and HOME!!!! then Germany? =)

Food to keep us survive till now. HAHA.

Happy Birthday Housemate Kai Ling =)

Connie's 21st

It was Connie's birthday on the 16th few days ago. It was exam period so we couldnt do much celebration. But it was all good times =)

Pathology & Therapeutics tomorrow. AIKS.

I'm not ready for tomorrow's paper :( !! sobs.

But we need food to keep us going! :P

I spent less than 20 mins in cooking this sort of kimchi fried rice! 

And Joyce made the drinks. Neslo & teh ais! Little things to encourage ourselves. *SMILES*

Then, back to notes. *SOBS*

I am so... dono.. really... ah, I am gonna be okay.

Loneliness

Lonely little dandelion. Lonely her. Lonely me. 

 Ah, loneliness creeps in at this hour of silence. 

I still cannot study.
I am calling it a day now. 

Feeling... oh-i-cant-do-it again. 

Gotta talk to the Father. 

Went "gai gai"

Tried to destress by going gai gai with joyce, but apparently it didnt help much!! opsss..

I cant study!!!!!

but heys, I love the evening sky! it's super beautiful! ah!

Random-nyaaaa....

><

Come on... 

I got to study!!!!!

Slap me! XD

Listening to Larry's new song... I think you slack more than me!! HAHA!

cute song btw!!! =)

Haahaha, conquer the vessels already wei!!

check this out! :)

Porridge for breakfast!! =)

Aw.. I woke up to breakfast prepared by housemate, Joyce! =)

Sweet! and yups.. YUMMY! and satisfying! My tummy is happy now!

Thanks a lot girl!!

Gotta study hard!!!

What exam brings!

I wonder really.. why I am so worried about exam when it's just an exam after all. It's the way we were brought up I guess, never allowed to fail and was always expected to excel. It used to drag me so much throughout the years, to be honest, still now I could get so stressed out over that few pieces of papers. (It's getting better, really :))

But, to look at it differently, so many times, I found myself so humble and weak before Him. I know I need Him. Few days ago, I found myself on my knees telling Him I could not go any further. (It seriously sound like there's a major issue) HAhaha. And that's when His strength is made perfect. But, yes.. that's how weak I could get when it comes to exam. I believe everyone has different fears in life, and I am sure exam is one of mine. 

So, it's sad sometimes to feel oh-i-cant-do-it.. But, hey.. God brings lovely people into life to make it beautiful. I am reminded again that He is ever faithful. Encouragements, smiles, food, every single jia you means a lot. A prayer is so much needed during these times. And, skype dates! They never failed making me smile. I had a friend telling me.. it's nothing to lose really because nothing in this world belongs to us. Even if I fail.. God would not love me less. So what's so big deal about it?? So TRUE. but yes, the chemicals in my body are out of their minds XD haha. Anyway, the first one went alright. (I wouldnt say I would excel but :) no pressure heys.) Thanks for the every encouragements given :)

It's all about coping. Really.=)

Haha, oh we were stressed. and randomness! :)

Steamed pao-s for breakfast! :)

And one of the girls from the gang has a boyfriend already!!! Ah, I just can't help mentioning it here! Congratulations Melissa!! My wishes for both of you to be "xin fu"!! :) Yays. We are really happy about it. We have this special group in fb where we talk and update really. And ah, reading their stories definitely plaster a smile on our faces =) Aw, HE IS ROMANTIC! :P

Anyways, Fang fang and Xiao Hei got married!! It's sooo sweet! God has finally put them together! And I am sure they are being such a good example as God-loving artists. To LOVE "properly" =) HEHE. Touching wei!

And I should really stop youtube-ing and grab some rest and start reading for my friday paper. Pathology and Therapeutics! Ah, the most to memorise!


A friend wrote this to me , "We don't have to do it ourselves, do we? We have God. His infinite strength and love will get us through." beautiful :)

Exam is never my thing!

:( I m stressed out!!! 

Shifts to cover.

Endless notes to read.

It's 3 days away.

Aiks.

Prayers needed!

Was really unsettled last night.

But thank God for a restful sleep. 

:)

The sky is gloomy. Sobs

Things that make me smile! =)

It's all about studies now.. so life is no fun at the moment! Really :(

Found out something that is really easy to cook! Just "throw" the chicken into a pot of water and cook on low heat. Never boil it. It's super tasty and the meat is sooo juicy! Satisfying dinner!..

Joyce cooked this! super nice!

 It's accompanied with this really nice sauce!! Just mince spring onion and ginger. Add salt and sugar and oil. We used olive oil, which is healthier. =) 

The sauce :)

Kai Ling baked chocolate cake! with almond flakes!!!

 We had some "fun" in the kitchen. 

Dried longan with red dates and lotus seed.

I cooked this super easy "tang sui" in the afternoon. Glucose boost :) hehe. Taken from here!

Food!

A day of whole lot of food :) Blessed I am!

Bro prepared yummy breakfast for us! :) And we had them while watching the royal wedding. Kate's so beautiful!!

Portobello on toast, I LOVE IT!

We made Lok Mai Gai :) Glutinous rice with chicken & mushroom

 Got this recipe from here! But, we didnt have the lap cheong. so yea, chicken and mushrooms :) Think it was a success just that the rice isn't sticky enough. Should get better quality ones in future.

KFC here is just nothing compared to those back home. :(

I was in bed for 2 hours and I could not sleep! And so, I am here at such hour..!!!! Ah, sleepless night! No fun! I counted sheep, talked to shepherd, what else? :/

Bro cooks!

Sweet and Sour Pork Ribs! YUMMY! :) 

Recipe taken from here.

It turned out not as dark as expected though, but it's yuuuummmmmy! 

Home!

I am blessed because I have a place called HOME in the UK!

Took a train down to darlington, where my brother and Swee Yen are.

Family is where the heart is!

It was golden silent moment with just myself, songs and the Lord on the train. 

The sceneries kept changing as the train travelled from Sunderland to Darlington.

And they are gorgeous! especially with the evening sun.

For the first time, I did not sleep the whole journey.

I spent time, appreciating His wonderful creations.

Easter Sunday!

It's Easter Sunday and it's also my first time helping out with the beacons! Meaning, the kids sunday school, of kids ranging from the age of 2-7/8 i think. It's beeen a while since I last worked with the kids!! I was quite excited with the new experience! 

I really love kids!!! Their innocence can never fail to make me smile! and, they are just way tooooo cute! I was bringing them down to the toilet and helping them to wash their hands and dry them.. It reminds me of the good old Girls' Brigade days  when we used to help out with the cadets'. Aww..the adorable ones.

They reminded me of JOY. They are all so energetic and joyful that Christ is risen! When they were told to draw what makes them sad, I was expecting them to draw things like "when someone snatches my  barbie doll" but I was surprised to see a lot of them drawing the death of Christ in their own very ways! We sang and danced (yes, danced! haha) and played games! I won myself an easter egg! :) hahaha. It was just.. awesome to be able to be one of them again! (to be young! XD) 

Their theme song! and we sang it with actions! =) It's indeed a fun sunday morning!

Good Friday

It's good Friday today! To be honest, my heart was heavy because of some unsorted feelings and issues. I came to His presence, feeling so weak and out of focus. I couldn't think, meditate nor pray. Am I defeated in some ways by the emotional weakness? This is a battle to win. 

The new perspective of pain

Psalm 73

A psalm of Asaph.

 ¹ Truly God is good to Israel,
      to those whose hearts are pure.
 ² But as for me, I almost lost my footing.
      My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
 ³ For I envied the proud
      when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
 ⁴ They seem to live such painless lives;
      their bodies are so healthy and strong.
 ⁵ They don’t have troubles like other people;
      they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.
 ⁶ They wear pride like a jeweled necklace
      and clothe themselves with cruelty.
 ⁷ These fat cats have everything
      their hearts could ever wish for!
 ⁸ They scoff and speak only evil;
      in their pride they seek to crush others.
 ⁹ They boast against the very heavens,
      and their words strut throughout the earth.
 ¹⁰ And so the people are dismayed and confused,
      drinking in all their words.
 ¹¹ “What does God know?” they ask.
      “Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”
 ¹² Look at these wicked people—
      enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.

 ¹³ Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
      Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
 ¹⁴ I get nothing but trouble all day long;
      every morning brings me pain.

 ¹⁵ If I had really spoken this way to others,
      I would have been a traitor to your people.
 ¹⁶ So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper.
      But what a difficult task it is!
 ¹⁷ Then I went into your sanctuary, O God,
      and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
 ¹⁸ Truly, you put them on a slippery path
      and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
 ¹⁹ In an instant they are destroyed,
      completely swept away by terrors.
 ²⁰ When you arise, O Lord,
      you will laugh at their silly ideas
      as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

 ²¹ Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
      and I was all torn up inside.
 ²² I was so foolish and ignorant—
      I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
 ²³ Yet I still belong to you;
      you hold my right hand.
 ²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
      leading me to a glorious destiny.
 ²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
      I desire you more than anything on earth.
 ²⁶ My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
      but God remains the strength of my heart;
      he is mine forever.

 ²⁷ Those who desert him will perish,
      for you destroy those who abandon you.
 ²⁸ But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
      I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
      and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

[The ultimate good in life is not prosperity, nor the absence of pain, but the nearness of God.]


Read this, it is so true that we grow nearer to Him when we are weak and in troubles, not only us christians. Even non-christians, do you not see people kneel and pray when they are in the verge of breaking down when someone is dying when someone nearly fall down from a cliff. (random examples XD.haha) If we could one day see pain in another perspective-to bring us near to God, we could claim that pain is a blessing. :) 

Holiday so far

It had been pretty eventful since holiday started a week or so ago! Shall blog about it! (soon I promise) It was Winson's birthday plus sunrise followed by my surprise birthday bbq.. and Chieng Loo's surprise visit, birthday celebration and then Dublin! Feeling super blessed!

It's all goood! But, time to study and yea, I haven't really got the time to blog but been studying today whole day and I was only back here yesterday! Ah, I am missing the good times already!

CL made them and brought them all the way from Dublin! Super touched!

From home! :)

Received my 21st birthday card from daddy and mommy dearest today!  awwww... SO SWEEET!
Thanks for everything!!!!! 

Holiday Plans :)

I was planning for my friend's birthday and realised there are so many places to visit here at the north east!!


Check it out here!

Yikes

Exam is tomorrow but no, I don't feel like working on it. YIKES! 

*SLAP SLAP SLAP* 

Vulnerable

Suddenly, I realized I am really vulnerable at the moment! :( I am so confused!

Missing Home

I just rang home and talked to dad. I think I miss home that much I really need to be home soon. It's been 1.5 years since I left home. It's too long and I am sure it is unhealthy! :( 

2 Peter 1

Read this passage again after reading Phe's blog! It is a reminder I need so much now, to grow in faith and to focus on the truth.

Had a date with Jesus at this other bank of the river. (never walked this side) To find rest, be quiet and be still in His presence. 

Psalm 22:9-11

⁹Yet You are He Who took me out of the womb; You made me hope and trust when I was on my mother's breasts.¹⁰I was cast upon You from my very birth; from my mother's womb You have been my God ¹¹Be not far from me, for trouble is near and there is none to help.

Devotion today reminds me that there are times that only God can help and I need to go to Him alone and win this battle. It actually says if people can help us out, we don't actually have a problem. 

Happy Mothers' Day!

It's so funny how I got my first mothers' day present from my beloved "son". Haha. I called him ah giang and he called me ah ma! umm.. I dont remember how did this start. But I guess I look old enough to become mom or even grandma to a few friends? Haha. and even nanny? Yikes. Anyway, it's mothers' day for the british today! :) And I got this cute prezzie!

He can really draw, right??!!! And it's so nice of him to draw such a cute me! XD hahas. How i wish it's true!haha. I was overjoyed and honoured to receive this in church this morning while the other moms are getting sweet prezzies from their kids. :D It really made me smile! thanks so much for making my day! :) 

Mom, you were in my thought today! :) Happy Mothers' Day I want to tell you! MISS U LOTS!

And then, we had a "Sunday Night Live" at Starbucks. And I took a few pics with my phone. Basically, we were there to make Starbucks happy (buying coffee XD)! haha, nah.. we were well fed with wonderful music and lovely testimonials :D and of course, fellowship!

Something really funny. There were two guys standing on the door and he was saying, "Oh come on, come and join us." They just smiled, stood there and listened to the first song. And then when he said "Ok, this next song is a song I wrote, talking about how God has always been there." (if i don't forget wrongly) They left straight away! We all laughed, but.. ah, sad  :(! how people reject to hear about Him..

Sharing session with Dave, our pastor.

He is really good! :)

McD and a Friday night

I simply like the new modern design of McDonald's!

We had a wonderful stroll to the beach, met the juniors there. Had a good laugh and crazy screams! haha. Good times. It's so beautiful when the sand just flew past in rhythm as the crazy wind blew.

How much longer shall I wait, O Lord?